Problem clients are everywhere. They are the people who don’t want to pay well, or even at all. They are the folks who keep changing their minds and wanting to see a revision to reflect every idle thought that passes through their caffeinated and ADD-rattled brains. They are the kind who figure that one project entitles them to call you at home, at work, on weekends, or whenever, for the next year. They like to tag on miscellaneous unrelated assignments (you may hire on to write a brochure but be asked to write a resume, several emails, and a press release, for free, on the side). They want everything fast, but they pay slow, if at all. They often have the twin traits of being domineering and ignorant, so they impose odd conditions on your writing that makes it nearly impossible to do a good job.

They are like fire ants. They can’t be eradicated and even if you don’t have any in your back yard at the moment, that doesn’t mean they aren’t coming.

Good news, though. I have seven reasonably good ways to figure out who these troublemakers are before you take their assignment.

1. A problem client wants the lowest rate possible and does not really want to discuss financial terms with you. The best test: ask for a decent respectable rate. If the client sputters, fumes, or argues, smile with all the superiority you can muster and refuse to work with them. They’re trouble. I guarantee you they don’t work for nothing. Why should you?
2. A problem client asks for ridiculous things but with the self-confidence of a rockstar.  You may get a client who wants you to ghostwrite a book but then adds, “And you’ll get it published for me, too, won’t you?” Even if you could manage that gargantuan task for the three-figure payment he propsoses, he’ll stalk you forever if the book isn’t a best-seller. Here’s another nightmare client: she may want you to help her write and design a website but then insist that you work with her cousin, the webmaster, who is on crack. When the project doesn’t go well, she blames you.
3. A problem client has more baggage than Paris Hilton going on an around-the-world cruise. Problem clients arrive telling you their life story, which they generally find more compelling than you ever will. They also try to get you to embrace their various causes, which may be Libertarianism or a desire to see a particular doctor found guilty of malpractice. The writer-client relationship works best when there is no drama, and personal issues are downplayed. A good writer can write about ideas or causes that she may not personally support. Problem clients want to make everything personal.
4. A problem client avoids spelling out what he wants or will spell out strange requirements. That’s because he does not know what he wants. If you can’t get your prospective new client to sit down and put in writing the scope of the project, he’s trouble. The other problem is the client who tells you that she wants a 16-page brochure. When you try to get particulars, she hedges. All she knows is that it has to be 16 pages I’ve had clients want me to cover an event (in the future) but outline the article I’m going to write about the event now. When I pointed out that I couldn’t predict what I’d write till the event was over, they ignored me and told me again, albeit loudly and more slowly, to outline the article first.
5. Problem clients make tons of assumptions. That is one reason you want to spell out your policy on your rates, payment schedules, how you handle revisions, and everything else not only verbally but in writing. A problem client will assume that when you decided to write a report for him, you also meant you would create a version that would go on his website–which you would build and fill with 100 pages of content plus you’d do an email sequence for him and then you’d get his website page one Google ranking. Oh, and one more thing: he wants it tomorrow.
6. Problem clients feel that if they promise to one day give you $1, you owe them the rest of your life. They will call you at home, on weekends, whenever the mood strikes them. Spell out specific rules of engagement. If the client seems mystified as to why he is not your new best friend, he’s trouble.
7. Problem clients have more enthusiasm than brains. They are wild to do a project, but if you really discuss it with them, you’ll find out they not only have not done their homework, they haven’t enrolled in school. You know why that’s trouble? That’s because they “assume” (see #5) that you will handle all the “details” for them. They’ll be bitterly disappointed (and possibly try to sue you) if you don’t deliver.

How do you manage problem clients? Early detection is the best strategy for these guys. But always spell out the terms of your agreement in writing. Get the scope of the project spelled out firmly. Have established practices (and it doesn’t matter what they are and they can be different for different clients) and clearly articulate them to the client and get the client to agree with them in writing.

Personally, I think you should avoid any client who seems like trouble. Even if you do the project and manage to make a little bit of money, you will waste so much time, effort, and energy that it’ll cost you in the end. I actually think that a few problem clients in a row could totally kill a freelance writing business.

Caveat writer.

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